Trauma, Memory, and the Body: When the Past Repeats Itself

Addressing traumatic experiences can feel daunting. It often brings doubt, questions, and a strong sense of reluctance. This is not surprising. Trauma work requires us to think about, feel, or re-experience events that we were never meant to endure in the first place.

I often describe trauma as a wardrobe. Inside, we store different experiences, emotions, and memories. Over time, more and more is placed inside until it becomes overwhelming. Eventually, we push it to the back drawer — the place reserved for memories we do not want to access again. Yet, even when hidden, these memories do not disappear. They remain present, influencing us quietly and persistently.

Trauma is not defined by the event itself, but by how our body and nervous system experience and process it. Two people may live through the same situation, yet carry it very differently. Trauma lives not only in the mind, but in the body — in sensations, reactions, and patterns that operate beyond conscious awareness.

When we allow ourselves to gently observe our internal experiences, we activate brain pathways that connect the emotional and rational parts of the brain. This integration allows us not only to make sense of what happened, but to gradually reorganise how the brain perceives safety, threat, and meaning.

As Eugene O’Neill wrote: “There is no present or future, only the past, happening over and over again.”

Trauma has a profound impact on memory. Memory exists in many forms, and traumatic memory is different from ordinary recollection. Trauma can stun the mind and freeze the body. While memory helps define who we are and guides us through the world, traumatic memories remain fixed and static.

Unlike narrative memories, traumatic memories are often unorganised. They are imprinted through smells, images, bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions. When activated, they generate a cascade of reactions that pull us away from the here and now — what many recognise as flashbacks.

Once the brain and body experience trauma, it becomes etched into our way of being. Without realising it, we may begin to repeat the trauma through behaviours, relationship choices, and decisions that unconsciously recreate familiar dynamics. The trauma cycle continues, not because we choose it, but because the nervous system seeks what it recognises.

It is not by chance that a child who experienced emotional abuse may later find themselves in adult relationships with emotionally unavailable partners, often leading to further harm. Trauma can resemble an intricate spider’s web — initially woven for protection and survival, yet over time becoming a structure that distances us from our authentic selves.

Healing from trauma is not about reliving the past endlessly. It is about restoring choice, safety, and connection, allowing the body and mind to learn that the present is no longer the past.